The Daily Douz

lately…

so lately there’s been a whole lot of craziness goin on in the life of Marci. my carpet in my bedroom got partially flooded on Saturday so it’s been soaking in 2 days till i tried soaking up the water with a towel first then turned on every fan i have to dry it out. and that still didn’t work, there is a really set-in musty smell now that probably will never leave the house. it’s really great. so yeah, then tonight i cut up the carpet so the padding underneath can finally dry out and the section that got all wet was a very large area, it turns out! I didn’t estimate it to be that big, but when you cut in a square and try to cover the entire area, not just like a puzzle piece, you end up cutting more than you thought. and then it’s just really gross and nasty and i had to touch it, put it in a bag to take to the garbage. ugh. it’s really gross! and i felt like some of the grossness got on me, on my clothes and arms and hands, so i feel all dirty and stuff. man, i hate when things go wrong. i consider this as me dealing with a catastrophe. and who knows… maybe the foundation of this house has a hole/leak or something really bad like that? hopefully not. but it’s weird, i’m in the basement and the water came from too much of watering the lawn, from sprinklers? it doesn’t really make that much sense to me, but also Saturday we had kind of a rain storm.
Anyway, so there’s my story about why my house is up in chaos and making it difficult to really relax and live in lately. eh, my arms feel all itchy. plus there’s always been bugs galore here! i have traps full of spiders and potato bugs all over the place [sticking my tongue out in disgust]. and i get lonely since i don’t have any roommates or friends to really hang out with, so i’ve been watching a lot of tv and been online a ton. funny, since i should be working on my website but i haven’t been doing that. alas, my life feels very draining right now. i feel like i’m dragging along just to make it through each day. so hopefully i will make the actions to gain more self confidence so i can feel like i live a happier life and have a positive outlook every day. i pray for it, it’s just slow in coming to me. plus i guess i should get over the notion of believing that life would be so much better if only i was married. i’m sure some of you are laughing right about now. i know, for real marriage is hard. i get it. i see it as having someone around that loves you enough to want to be with you all the time and hear about your day, what went wrong, what went right. i feel like i need that and that’s why i have that notion in my head about marriage. silly huh? so unless i can get enough strength in me to think of myself as independent and inspirational, i probably will never find out what marriage is like. hmm, kind of a twist in a way, i think. so i’m going to continue to make my life better so i can attract the type of guy i’d want, and to just be better. this life is always about making yourself better, right? there’s always room for improvement. i’m not even close to perfect, i never ever thought i was and i probably will never be perfect in this life, but at least we can try to get close. and that’s what i’ll do. life isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. yay, i ended on a positive note. ok bye.

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