The Daily Douz

I have had depression for about 10 years now (diagnosed for that long) and I’ve been taking anti-depressants over the past 9 years. Currently I’m taking generic Prozac and since losing my job in November 2009, I increased my dosage to taking 4 pills per day.

The past week I decided to reduce my daily intake of Prozac. I want to stop gaining so much weight. I know for a fact that my constant weight gain is due to these anti-depressants and I’m so tired of it! That is the WORST side-effect you can get and I’ve had it this whole time. So you can imagine I’ve gained a lot of weight just since being on these medicines. Ugh!

It’s like a vicious cycle… You take anti-depressants to help with depression… You start to gain weight because of side-effects… You get even more depressed since you’ve gained weight… So you feel like you need more of the anti-depressants because your depression has worsened from the weight gain. Never ending…….

And Prozac is supposed to be the one medicine which doesn’t give as much weight gain as the rest of them. I see no difference. Honestly. I’ve taken Celexa, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, and some others and Prozac seems to give me the same amount of weight gain.

I just have a constant sad face. I feel like my smiles are fake. I feel so empty inside. I feel like I need a new life. I don’t like the one I have and I’m tired of living this boring, anxiety-ridden life. I just wish things would have worked out for me, the way I had always planned on them. And since they haven’t, it’s made me feel even worse about myself. I hate anxiety. I absolutely hate anxiety! I don’t wish it on my worst enemies (if I had any).

And for some reason, my anxiety today is through the roof. I don’t know why. I wish I knew. Then maybe I could fix it and repair myself so I could go one with my day. But no. I sit at home because I have too much anxiety to even drive anywhere. I babysat earlier for my nephews but after that, I just felt so nervous and anxious. I’m almost shaking from my anxiety. I feel like it could grow into a full-blown panic attack if I let it. But there are always things to do so I must press on with the day. I pray that this too shall pass.

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Alright. So I have constant frustration with building websites. I had to learn all by myself, and continue to learn on my own to this day. I did have a little help with setting up web hosting from my previous boss but as far as figuring every little detail out…yeah that’s all me. {insert eye rolling smiley here}

I’d like to optimize my site better, make it more readable, cleaner, simpler but all of that seems so complicated. Websites shouldn’t be this complicated, IMO. *sigh* Case in point…I just tried to update my “Yet Another Related Posts Plugin” that I have on this site to change the hover over font color to something other than white and I haven’t done that successfully.

So instead of really optimizing my website to the fullest extent, I end up leaving it with all its flaws up for the entire internet world to see. Oh well, at least I’m honest about it, right?

Constant Reminder: I am NOT perfect. I will never be perfect in this life. Get that perfectionist vibe out of my brain.

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